The News Journal - A thank you note is always a good idea

A thank you note is always a good idea

Posted Sunday, January 7, 2007

PERSONAL FINANCE

Michelle Singletary

I received a note after Christmas from the head of a small nonprofit who was upset that gifts to her staff were not acknowledged with a written thank you note.

The executive said she spends about $80 per employee during the holidays for a gift card, small present and lunch, to thank them for a job well done during the year.

So why nary a thank-you note in return, she wondered.

"Maybe my concern is overplayed. I am not sure if they don't think it is much of a gift, or if in today's world people just don't say thank you anymore," the director said, asking that I not identify her.

Well, did you get a gift this year from your employer? Did you send a thank you?

Perhaps you didn't send one because you thought it was like receiving a paycheck -- no thanks necessary.

However, if you receive a gift from your employer, you should send a thank you note, said Pamela M. Harvit, a corporate etiquette and protocol consultant.

"Not only is it the right thing to do, it is the smart thing to do," Harvit said. "Not sending a thank you note may appear as if an employee feels entitled to the gift or bonus."

You are only entitled to compensation for your work. A gift at the holiday is an extra that is worthy of a written thank you.

Who gets the note? Send it to your immediate supervisor who, in turn, should pass it to his or her supervisor, Harvit said.

Handling family, friend gifts

Now, what about all the holiday gifts you received from a friend or family member? They too, deserve a handwritten thank you, experts say. Notice I didn't say "require."

A thank you note should be given "freely" and "with grace and sincerity," said Sherri Athay, a gift consultant and author of "Present Perfect: Unforgettable Gifts for Every Occasion."

The point of a thank you is to acknowledge that someone gave you something and to let them know the gift was received.

But the thanks shouldn't be delivered in a perfunctory manner.

Once I took my daughter to a birthday party for one of her friends. As we were leaving, the mother handed me a thank you card for the child's gift.

Athay's take on the quick turnaround: "It sounds like she was trying to check you off the list ... instead of a sincere thank you note showing true appreciation."

I chuckled. I completely understood. We're all so busy, and at least she was trying to make sure the note was delivered.

If you don't receive a thank you note, though, that doesn't give you the right to berate the receiver.

How to do it

Here are some tips on how to write a thank you note:

• Express gratitude.

• Mention the gift specifically and how you plan on using it.

• If you do not like the gift, at least try to mention the giver's thoughtfulness.

• Thank the person for taking the time to remember you during the holiday or your special occasion.

• While it's more acceptable these days, an e-mail thank you is still impersonal. "If a person can touch and feel a thank you note to, perhaps, put it down and come back for a second look, it is so much better," said Joan R. Stokely, president of the Society of Diplomacy Inc. and founder of the Protocol School of Philadelphia.

And what about presents from close relatives and friends handed to you personally?

Thank you notes, in this case, are optional, said Peggy Post, director of the Emily Post Institute

"If you've verbally thanked someone sincerely, meaning you've thanked them eye to eye, then it is not necessary," Post said. "Although I'm sure it would be appreciated."

"You should absolutely send a thank you note if the giver is absent or a gift is mailed," Stokely said.

Finally, your note should be promptly sent. The experts don't agree on how soon, but generally a few weeks after receipt of a holiday gift. "Later is always better than never," Stokely said.

Whew -- I was glad to hear that!

Contact Michelle Singletary at The Washington Post, 1150 15th St., N.W., Washington, DC 20071 or singletarym@washpost.com.

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